Space

My prayer this new year is for space. I want space in my closets. I want to see underneath my bed again. I want space in my bathroom. I'm tired of taking Advil that expired in 2006- it grosses me out and I'm convinced it's waging war against my liver and I will suffer from an early life ending disease because of it. I want space in my freezer- I really have no good explanation for the three gallons of Blue Bell ice cream and the nursing mom's Freezer to go Pouch that is sitting in there. I haven't nursed in over 15 months. Ryan says I want space on my computer, though for the life of me, I cannot wrap my tiny mind around the idea of non-existent space. I want more space in the trunk of my car, in my daughter's room, and I could use a little more space in my blue jeans which are admittedly not fitting so well these days.

More than all of that, I want space in my heart. Space in my brain. My soul. My schedule. My agenda. My desires.

I just want some space. Not the kind of space where I scream at the world in a selfish flurry- "GIVE ME MY SPACE," though I have my fair share of those moments too.

But the other kind of space. The kind of space you give to someone who has just passed out in the middle of the mall and everyone seems to be staring at. The kind of space that allows the person on the ground to breathe.

The kind of space you give to a row of heirloom tomatoes planted in your garden. The space to grow.

The kind of space you give to an artist who is painting a canvas. The space to create something out of nothing.

The kind of space you give to a surgeon. The space to stop a bleed and mend a wound.

The kind of space you give to your grandma when she is rearranging the furniture for the fifth time. The space to try something different.

The kind of space you give to your almost two-year-old as she reads her first book out loud by herself. The space to explore like a big girl.

The kind of space you make in your home so that really, your home is not just your home. The space to welcome in.

I'm just looking for some space this year. Some free places in my heart, my schedule, and my world where I can let new things flourish. Places where life can grow. Places where oxygen sits idle and sun shines brightly and the earth is content to wait on whatever is beneath the surface of the soil- whatever might be waiting to grow and bloom.

I've never been the kind of girl that does real well with mission statements or broad sentences that supposedly capture my identity and sum up my purpose. But I guess this is my mission statement right now: I am cultivating space. And I pray the same for you. Space in your heart and mind. Space to breathe again and to be real again. Space to feel. To laugh. To cry. To be challenged.  To be inspired.  Space to take a deep breath and just be.