What I got this morning was way better than what I actually came here wanting. I will take the noisy, clanky, loud, intensity of community over peace and quiet any day because it means something is right in the world.
Read MoreThat made me smile. She's thankful for her peoples. I love that. How she even knows that word... I have no idea. But she does. It's the last thing she says every night before falling asleep. She's thankful for peoples.
Read More| Well, I think there are several things I should say:
1. Ryan... you are cute. Sneaky little devil. But still, so cute. Thank you for making my big day special in a million little ways. I turned 3-0 in style! 2. Blog friends... shame on all you blurkers comin' outta the woodworks like that to wish me a Happy Birthday. What will I do on subsequent blogs when you disappear again?!? I learned early on with this blog-shennanigan that if you really want comments you gotta have a birthday, a tragedy, or talk bad about people's pets. Don't poke fun at somebodies insane love affair with their cat; they will open up a can of crazy on you. And then they will come out of blurkerdom. And then you will get blog comments. And then you will wonder why you ever wanted comments in the first place... because they will be mean! In all seriousness, I don't suppose I've ever felt as loved as I did yesterday. I cannot begin to thank all of my amazing friends, family, extended blog family, and AROAD fans for all the love that you showered on me yesterday. You filled me up with so much joy, I could hardly take it all in. And if I were to have a cupcake for every person who wished me lots of fabulous cupcakes yesterday... I could feed an entire Army and perhaps finally bring this war to an end (duh, everybody knows cupcakes solve wars). 3. Dad and Mom... thanks a lot for being in ca-hoots with Ryan and exposing the world to my pre-braces pictures. I looked like a scary carnivorous animal with bad bangs. Truly, I think we all owe you a huge thank-you for investing years of your paychecks and vacation money into Dr. Caldwell, my orthodontist. If ever teeth needed a cure... whew... those little rabbit-beaver-mountain man-teeth desperately needed one. So, yet again, I am reminded of one of the many reasons I owe you the proceeds from my first platinum album. (But don't hold your breath...) To all of you who join me on the journey... "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." Albert Camus thank you for walking beside me. thank you for offering me your friendship. *** Speaking of walking alongside others... Today is the big day! Every day we have a choice to make; we have a chance to walk alongside the hurting and the broken among us. But so often we drag our feet. We don't know where to begin or what to do- yet God continues to pursue us with a still small voice that whispers deep into our souls, "Feed my sheep." "Love well." "What you do to the least of these, you have done unto me." If you feel trapped in the middle of wanting to care for the broken, but not quite knowing how to take the first step... join me today as we learn about homeless shelters and missions across the nation and how we can walk alongside of the poor among us. HopetoTheHungry is going on now! Please visit the live and interactive site today to hear stories of how men, women, and children all across the United States are finding hope at their local homeless shelter. You will also hear from artists, both live and recorded. You can catch me at 7:13 & 11:13 a.m. or 2:13 and 5:13 p.m. (pacific) talking about experiences with my homeless friend, Dexter, and how a simple prayer asking God to show me "the broken" changed my life. Most importantly, you can donate money all day long to homeless shelters across the county. Please join me... Spread the link. Spread the love. Finally, I am at a dear friends wedding! Congrats to Becca and Sean... have there ever been two people more perfect for one another? I think not! Since I completely forgot about this being a Friday afternoon wedding, I am postponing the first ever Cupcakes. Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things giveaway to Monday. That's the bad news. The good news is: my wonderful record label, INO, is sending me double sets of all the amazing Christmas music... including Phil Wickam's new Christmas album, Mercy Me, Sara Grooves, and a few others. So, now there will be two winners! One chosen by random, and another chosen by me :) I can't wait to send out coffee, candles, and Christmas music. My favorite things ever! If you haven't already entered, you can enter by leaving a comment on the blog about Magical Kingdoms! If you have entered, you should know, I have very much loved, loved, loved reading about the beautiful places and memories that you have in your homes. Here's to finishing the week strong! Happy! And gracious! |
As I reflect upon National Cupcake, Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things Week (ah- just saying that gives me a big smile and great satisfaction) I think about the many things that make me happy when I am in my own home. Clean, crisp sheets. Warm fuzzy slippers. Mashed potatoes. A bubble bath. Chocolate cream pie. And my new cinnamon apple spice candle (from the amazing people in the town of Taft, CA and the Jesus Shack- promoters and people who made us feel so at home.)
The ticking of the silver clock on the wall. The hum of the refrigerator. The clicking that happens outside my bedroom window before the air conditioning kicks on and sends a blustery blast of cold air into my bed. The sound of the crickets in the grass. The blankets piled around me for warmth. The smell of clean laundry. And the tenderness of the rocking chair that I rock Annie to sleep in.
The cracks in my shower. I know them. They are my cracks.
The order of my closet and the space under my bed reserved for crafts and boxes of ribbon and tissue paper.
The stains on my carpet.
The feel of the heavy wooden chairs around my dining room table. Oh my gosh- I have a dining room table! How crazy is that? I feel way too young to own my own dining room table. Yet, there it sits. Majestic. Heavy. Firmly rooted into my dining room. It reminds me, sometimes, that I am a real grown up. I own my own table.
For better or worse, these things belong to me. The cracks, scratches, stains, strange noises, unique smells, and unique flair. It's only a 900 square foot apartment. But it is mine. It is my mecca. My comfort. My joy. My security. My niche that holds me tight, secure, joyfully, away from the rest of the world.
It is my home.
***
Along the way- as we have struggled to make ends meet- numerous people in our church have offered to let Ryan, Annie, and I move in with them to save money on rent. While this offer is incredibly generous- and might be the most wise thing for us to do- we have never been able to.
Because although it is small, and there is nothing too special about it- we call this space ours.
We have created it. Worn it in. And loved well within its walls.
We have fought hard in this place. We have cried a bit. And done a lot of movie watching and pizza eating.
We brought a tiny baby home to this place. We called her Annie, and in the walls of this small apartment, we learned what it looked like to lose ourselves in the tiny eyes and fingers of a critter so small, even her crib seemed to swallow her whole.
Now we build tents here. We play dress up. And at night, we fall asleep saying the names of all the people we love who live outside the towering walls of our magical kingdom.
Matt. Kemmy. Greggers. Ravis. Yosh. LALALALALALALALA.
***
This is our home. This is our kingdom. This is where we dream big...
and when those dreams fall a part and crumble,
this is where we come back to dry our tears. to mend our wounds. to become a family again.
This is the place we call home.
***
This week, take a look around your house and be grateful for your home. What is it that you love the most? Leave a comment describing three details about your home that bring a smile to your face and WIN the first prize I've ever given away on my blog! Some of my favorite things that I keep around the house: Starbucks Holiday Coffee, New Candles, and great Christmas music from some of my favorite INO recording artists.
(Winner will be randomly selected Friday afternoon, November 19th. So please check back to see if it's you!)
***
While I am remembering what I love about my own home this week, I am ever mindful of the rising rate of homelessness in our country and around the world. There are many people who have no place to call home this holiday season.
For these men, women, children, and families... their last hope is a local homeless shelter or mission.
Want to give someone a home?
Join me THIS Friday, November 19th, to learn more about the homeless among us.
Be a part of giving back to local homeless shelters and missions all across the country.
Hope to the Hungry Live Webcast!
Share the link with as many people as you can.
Invite your friends.
And please join me for a profoundly life-changing day as people all over the country donate money and time to their local homeless shelters.
"Hope to the Hungry is a cooperative effort of rescue missions and homeless shelters to raise awareness and funding to help feed and care for those who are homeless in communities across America. These efforts are highlighted in a live 12 hour webcast on Friday November 19th."
Join us at http://live.mediasocial.tv/hopetothehungry
-OR-
Become our friend on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/hopetothehungry
Well friends I'd like to declare it National Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things week! I know it's been a while since you've heard from me and I'd like to attribute that to being half-dead. I think a lot of what we do in life is trial and error; figuring out our limits and our boundaries. This fall I figured out some of mine. 52 shows in 70 days is honestly more than I can handle. Living on a bus for two months is about one month too long. Wearing the same outfit for three days makes me feel homeless. And not going to church in over three months is bad for my soul.
The Light Meets the Dark Tour was an amazing group of talented, insightful, kind, funny, and passionate artists journeying across America to be about the work of reminding people that there IS light in the darkness. For the gift of being on that tour, with those people, I am truly grateful and humbled. For the gift of meeting so many amazing and unique Christ followers around the country at each show, I am truly grateful. For the gift of sharing a gift with so many others, I am grateful. For the invitation to be a part of people's lives, the brutally painful moments and the beautiful ones, I count myself profoundly blessed... and I am grateful.
But for living on a bus for two, almost three months, I say, "Good Riddance Bus! I hate your stinking guts! Your bunk bed has surely given me arthritis! Your bathroom floor with the urine stains of so many men has warped the bottoms of my feet! Your putrid man smell gives me the heebie-jeebies! Your ice-cold chambers with no windows made my soul feel trapped in a long, dark, blustery, Michigan winter. And your sink, which was smaller than the size of my butt, made it impossible for me to truly brush my teeth for the last two months!"
I anticipate the coming days when I can brush my teeth in a sink that hasn't been used by ten people before me. The days when I will not refer to a "good night's sleep" as a night that didn't have any sudden slamming on of the breaks that lurched me out of my bunk bed and onto the floor. Yes. A good nights sleep will have nothing to do with sleeping in a moving vehicle, with a rumbling engine under my belly, in a narrow hallway with twelve tightly packed bunk beds.
Unless you're five years old and you have a solar system of glow stars above your head; a small tent made out of sheets; and a bag of cookies hidden under your pillow... bunk beds and "a good nights sleep" don't belong in the same sentence.
I anticipate the days that I get my privacy back. The days where I do not shimmy out of my concert clothes and try, like a twisty yoga instructor, to get my pj's on in my 2 by 8 foot bunk bed without hitting my head or otherwise injuring my body. The days where I can poop in my own house. In my own bathroom. On my own toilet. There I said it. I gave away the secret that every artist wants to keep quiet. You can't do that on the bus people, it's just wrong!!! And it's wrong for days to come because remember, buses aren't plugged in to plumbing. It's basically like using a porta-potty. And people who go number two in a porta-potty should be personally responsible for cleaning the things... it's just wrong.
You get to the venue in the morning and the quest is on. Where can you poop in privacy? And let me tell you... I am quite happy to not be doing that anymore. Thank-you-very-much.
I anticipate the days ahead, yet I already miss my tour family and I find myself wondering... where do I fit in now? I feel like I need to hold a village meeting or send up smoke circles to let people know that I am home... and that I am lonely.
While living on a bus for two months is not ideal, there is something pretty rare and special about waking up to the same people everyday. Sharing a pot of coffee. Knowing that some friends like to be quiet in the morning while others, like my friend Kristen who was on the bus, greets you with a big smile and wants to know how you slept. There is something enchanting about sitting around in your PJ's at night with 12 other people discussing the news, theology, politics; eating some popcorn; sharing a bottle of wine; venting; and knowing that the person right next to you is in it with you. They get it. They get the calling. They understand the madness. They share the passion. And they hate the bathroom as much as I do.
I miss my bus mates.
So does Annie.
Last night as she was falling asleep in my arms her little synapses' started firing off words while her eyes bobbled around trying to fight off the sleep. "Mommy. Daddy. Buggers (thanks alot dad, that was a really classy word to teach her. I espcially like the part where she sticks her finger in her mouth after she says that and pretends to be eating buggers. Awesome). Puppies," and then, "Guitars (pronounced key-tars), Matt. Kemmy, Greggers, Josh (yosh), Travis, Lalalalalalalala (for Lauren, the nanny). Sorry Richard, she still can't say your name.
My heart melted. This little girl knows nothing but love. And she loves so many people. There she is falling asleep and her mind reminds her of "keytars" and Mr. Matt (as in Matt Maher) and her friend Kemmy the bass player who gives her kisses on her head. And she fell asleep.
I love that her little mind just lets her remember the good. Not so much the part where she slept in a moving vehicle for two months and ate Taco Bell on more than one occasion, and that her mommy was really tired, and then, by the end of it all, starting to get ugly around the edges. I like that she didn't go to bed spouting off all the things that burdened her over the past few months, like a few of the churches who seemed pretty self-indulgent and lost in their own wealth and pride, or the handful of promoters who fed us out of plastic buckets- food that no one in their right mind would want to eat- or the "fans" who would get angry when we cut the autograph line off after an hour and a half- or any of those other things that it's easy to get all bent-out-of-shape over. No- in her little 18 month-old-mind... all that matters at the end of the day are the people. And she fell asleep saying their names.
Matt. Kemmy. Mommy. Greggers. Yosh. Daddy. Puppies. LALALALALALALALA.
As I put her to bed last night, I thought, "God, let me fall asleep the same way. Not holding grudges against promoters or venues who maybe didn't treat us like they would their own family, or bemoaning the part where I lived on a bus for two months, or the little inconveniences that I sacrificed along the way. Let me remember the people. The faces. The names. The stories. Your children."
And I woke up this morning feeling alive again. Wanting to write again. Wanting to remember, wanting to record every story I can remember from this tour. Wanting to find myself in light. Wanting to be light. Wanting to say thank you to sooooo many of you who showed up- my faithful blog readers- my new found friends- my family and a home away from HOME- to so many of you who loved Ryan, Annie, and I along the way... I want to say thank you. By pouring into me and being my family, I was able to hopefully pour into so many. Because of so many of you- today I remember so many of them. The faces and people I met along the way. The stories. The prayers shared. The journey shared. I remember that today.
And like I said in the beginning... I am giving myself my own birthday present! I turn 30 on Wednesday and I thought, what better way to celebrate than to declare my own kind of week. National Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things Week!
This week I invite you to join me in being happy. Letting go of the grudges, life's little inconveniences, and the temptation to short-change the world around you of grace. Instead I invite you, my friends, to indulge on the things that bring light and joy and happiness into the world.
Like cupcakes.
And sprinkles.
And some other things that I will talk about tomorrow.
Until then, remember the people. That's what it's all about.
