L and C and Joplin

Hey Friends- Only three months ago I was in Joplin, Missouri leading worship for a crazy bunch a kids that I grew to love. Over the years, Addison Road has performed numerous times in Joplin. We've grown to love the people. The city. The churches. The Bridge. The frozen custard from Shake's. Even the Home Depot- because of course, it wouldn't be a proper Addison Road trip unless there was a break down- in this case it was not  an emotional breakdown- but mechanical- and the Home Depot man in Joplin actually helped us fix the problem.

Tragedy- in all shapes and sizes- hits closer to home when the people have a name, and the city has a favorite custard shop, and the streets feel a little like your own.

By now, you have seen the devestation that has occured in Joplin, MO and maybe you are wanting to help. Our friend, Greg Walker, is the student pastor at Forest Park Baptist Church located in the heart of Joplin. And simply put, they need money.

"Those wanting to help, the best thing u can do is send money. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. We can use your man power next week and the rest of the year. Now, we need money to feed people, get meds and physical needs. You can do this at www.fpbc.net or theredcross."

Please consider making a donation to help the people in Joplin.

If you want to send your money somewhere where it will be used NOW, please donate at FPBC.net and include "torando relief" in the gift. The church- one of the few very large buildings that remained intact-  is actively providing meals, medicine, water, and serving as a meeting place for volunteers and those who have lost their homes. I trust this church with my money and I believe in the hard work of their members and staff; they will care for people in practical, basic ways over the next 72 hours  and they need our help.

If you live in, near, or  around Joplin and want to help on the ground through Forest Park Baptist Church you can bring bottled water, sandwhiches, and other ready to eat foods to the church's Joplin campus. You can also bring supplies for clean-up efforts. Gloves, shovels, masks, boots, antiseptic, etc.  These are the initial things they are seeking.

Volunteers wanting to help on the ground should report to MSSU's recreation center.

You can also donate blood through the Red Cross.

Whether the tragedy is in Tuscaloosa or Haiti, Japan or New York City- or today, in Joplin, Missouri; Christ followers are called to follow the example of Jesus himself who fed the hungry, comforted the children, healed the sick, and loved people with every means available to Him.

What means are available to you?

Through prayer, volunteering, and giving away our money- we imitate our Savior and we show the world what is best about the human spirit

love and compassion

Whatever means are available to you today... show love and compassion.

Smart things my friends have said this week.

Krista:

(As I am trying to eat, talk to friends, and watch a football game... and trying to feed Annie when she doesn't want to eat) "You know it's ok to just give her pieces of food when she wanders over to you?"

Well NO Krista that never occurred to me... but it's stinking genius! Thank God for mom friends who tell you that you can just put a piece of ham in your kids mouth every ten minutes and by the end of two hours she will have technically eaten dinner. Having an older mom friend is like having a cheat sheet during finals. Brilliant. Thank you for always making me feel human Krista.

Jody:

(As we are having coffee and discussing the possibility of her daughter going to a private school. The kind of private school that she would have better chances of getting into if she rented an apartment- on top of the home she owns- in the same district that the school is located in.)  I just don't want to do that. To force this thing to happen. What if she gets in and the school totally screws her up and I look back and think, "She's only there because I forced it." I don't ever want to look back at my life and see that I have forced anything to happen simply because I could. I want to look back at my life and see that things happened because God made a way.

It's comments like this that make me grateful to have deep, beautiful people all around me. And the crazy thing is... she didn't even mean to be deep or beautiful or profound... it was just a part of the ramble.  And yet it made me re-think everything. Thank you for being so wise Jody.

Jackie:

(As a group of friends gathered for tamales and a break from our snow-bound cabins at her kitchen table, we did what we always do at Steve and Jackie's house: talked about the things that really matter. We do that by asking questions that everyone at the table answers. I loved Jackie's question).  If you had a warning label on you, what would it say? Like mine, Jackie said, "Would be: Warning I'm crazy. But if you can put up with the crazy, I will make you stop and think."

We went around the table and spouted off our warnings. One friend said, "Warning: I probably don't care." She's 16. You gotta give her time. Another said, "Warning: I am full of useless sports trivia and I love sports, so be prepared." Another said, "When someone really tries to be my friend I turn into a complete *&@*@! (bleep) out of no where and I don't really know why." Of course now my ultimate goal is to dig in deep with her... but that was my goal way before she said that. Cause I kind of like her. Now it's just even more challenging and fun. Ryan said, "Warning: I don't let people in."  Oh, really?  I said, "Warning I attract bad luck and broken things, but I give lots of hugs." As each person talked, we were able to affirm each other; laugh; listen intently; and see a little bit of ourselves in everyone at the table. I have come to realize there is a difference between just hanging out with people and truly being in relationship with people. Jackie and Steve have taught me what it looks like to be in real relationship with people. To have conversations that matter. For that, my life has been forever changed. Thank you for loving me well and teaching me how to be real Jackie.

Not Without Hope:

(As I sat with a dear, beloved friend of mine this week who miscarried for the third time this year. *She wishes to remain anonymous, so if you know who she is and you leave a comment, please protect her identity.* We cried and cried and cried and said good-bye to her unborn baby who had lived in her belly for seven weeks. The baby she had already seen a picture of. Seven inches long and a little heart beating 126 times per minute. Right there in her bathroom, the life ended. And in the most crude, cruel, gesture of life I have ever seen with my own eyes, my friend had to sit there until she could work up the courage to flush the toilet. To say good-bye to another life she dreamed of mothering. To wait for the bleeding to stop. And I swear, I thought my heart would never stop bleeding for her. I have dreamed about it every night this week; woken up in a tsunami of pain and sadness. I have shed a million tears. But there in her bathroom, with her eyes locked deeply into mine, my sweet friend softly, courageously, and gracefully said...)

You know, Jen, God is still good.

So to my friend- Not Without Hope- thank you for showing me the most beautiful picture of faith I have ever seen in my whole entire life. Your strength in the midst of suffering, your faith in God's goodness when you yourself were robbed of another tiny life, your hope when you had every right to give up and give in... it has changed something deep within me. Thank you for showing me the face of Jesus so clearly, that I can't stop thinking of Him.

Thank You

Well, I think there are several things I should say: 1. Ryan... you are cute. Sneaky little devil. But still, so cute. Thank you for making my big day special in a million little ways. I turned 3-0 in style! 2. Blog friends... shame on all you blurkers comin' outta the woodworks like that to wish me a Happy Birthday. What will I do on subsequent blogs when you disappear again?!? I learned early on with this blog-shennanigan that if you really want comments you gotta have a birthday, a tragedy, or talk bad about people's pets. Don't poke fun at somebodies insane love affair with their cat; they will open up a can of crazy on you. And then they will come out of blurkerdom. And then you will get blog comments. And then you will wonder why you ever wanted comments in the first place... because they will be mean! In all seriousness, I don't suppose I've ever felt as loved as I did yesterday. I cannot begin to thank all of my amazing friends, family, extended blog family, and AROAD fans for all the love that you showered on me yesterday. You filled me up with so much joy, I could hardly take it all in. And if I were to have a cupcake for every person who wished me lots of fabulous cupcakes yesterday... I could feed an entire Army and perhaps finally bring this war to an end (duh, everybody knows cupcakes solve wars). 3. Dad and Mom... thanks a lot for being in ca-hoots with Ryan and exposing the world to my pre-braces pictures. I looked like a scary carnivorous animal with bad bangs. Truly, I think we all owe you a huge thank-you for investing years of your paychecks and vacation money into Dr. Caldwell, my orthodontist. If ever teeth needed a cure... whew... those little rabbit-beaver-mountain man-teeth desperately needed one. So, yet again, I am reminded of one of the many reasons I owe you the proceeds from my first platinum album. (But don't hold your breath...) To all of you who join me on the journey... "Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." Albert Camus thank you for walking beside me. thank you for offering me your friendship. *** Speaking of walking alongside others... Today is the big day! Every day we have a choice to make; we have a chance to walk alongside the hurting and the broken among us. But so often we drag our feet. We don't know where to begin or what to do- yet God continues to pursue us with a still small voice that whispers deep into our souls, "Feed my sheep." "Love well." "What you do to the least of these, you have done unto me." If you feel trapped in the middle of wanting to care for the broken, but not quite knowing how to take the first step... join me today as we learn about homeless shelters and missions across the nation and how we can walk alongside of the poor among us. HopetoTheHungry is going on now! Please visit the live and interactive site today to hear stories of how men, women, and children all across the United States are finding hope at their local homeless shelter. You will also hear from artists, both live and recorded. You can catch me at 7:13 & 11:13 a.m. or 2:13 and 5:13 p.m. (pacific) talking about experiences with my homeless friend, Dexter, and how a simple prayer asking God to show me "the broken" changed my life. Most importantly, you can donate money all day long to homeless shelters across the county. Please join me... Spread the link. Spread the love. HopetoTheHungry.com *** Finally, I am at a dear friends wedding! Congrats to Becca and Sean... have there ever been two people more perfect for one another? I think not! Since I completely forgot about this being a Friday afternoon wedding, I am postponing the first ever Cupcakes. Sprinkles, and Other Happy Things giveaway to Monday. That's the bad news. The good news is: my wonderful record label, INO, is sending me double sets of all the amazing Christmas music... including Phil Wickam's new Christmas album, Mercy Me, Sara Grooves, and a few others. So, now there will be two winners! One chosen by random, and another chosen by me :) I can't wait to send out coffee, candles, and Christmas music. My favorite things ever! If you haven't already entered, you can enter by leaving a comment on the blog about Magical Kingdoms! If you have entered, you should know, I have very much loved, loved, loved reading about the beautiful places and memories that you have in your homes. Here's to finishing the week strong! Happy! And gracious!

The Lemon Drop

Well friends, if you get my blog via email, I'm sorry. Prepare yourself for an influx. Only because I have grandparents watching Annie today and if I don't get these memories out quick they will be dated or I will forget or there is always the possibility that I'll kick the bucket before then. You never know.

Speaking of kicking the bucket...

(OK, I did that just to make you smile Merita...)

I have a friend named Merita. She reads the blog. That's how we became friends. Last year, she showed up during Annie's first birthday with her friend Katie and birthday presents. We talked and I fell in love with her. We emailed some, and then, during release week of our new album, she came to a show with a bouquet of cupcakes. My kind of woman. We had dinner together, and OK, even though she has kids my age, I thought, "well she's just the loveliest friend in the world."

Merita, "mamma king," she lights up a room. She's the kind of person you really want to be your friend.

She emailed me a few weeks ago. It took me a few minutes reading through the jumbled string of emotions and sporadic thoughts to figure out what she was saying. Her husband of 32 years- Joe- unexpectedly, out of nowhere, died the day before at their home... she was writing me, listening to Hope Now, going through his drawers, making funeral plans.

I got her email while I was in the van with the guys. I was literally crying my eyes out in the front seat like my own dad had died. She said she just needed to write, just needed to get the feelings out there, and she thanked me for listening. For being that silent friend on the other end that you can just let your words and jumbled emotions fall onto.

I guess I'm telling you all of this for myself.

The day will come when I don't do music anymore. Heck- could be sooner than later! We've only sold 10,000 albums... not necessarily hitting it big time, you know? But at the end of music, at the end of whatever job I take up next (I'm hoping for a cupcake-coffee shop- library-yoga house where I get to host my own book circles and play dates and old people days and then fashion hour and then just therapy sessions)...

my life makes sense because I get to be a part of someone else's life. I get to do life with other people.

True soul vacation happens when we encounter each other and make the effort to live life together.

It's the greatest thing I can do with my days on earth.

Accept the invitation of another. Let others in.

Merita came to the show this week a day after what would have been her and Joe's 32nd wedding anniversary. She brought presents. Pond's face wipes and cute make-up for me. Colors and books and animals for Annie. Cookies for the guys. Katie came too. She brought presents too. Silly friends.

Merita brought smiles. Humor. Honesty. Friendship. And yes, grief. She laid it on the table... and she let me be her friend and all I could think was....

God- life is great.

I hope I waste every single minute of my life making friends like Merita.

I love you sweet friend. I hope I weather the storms of life with as much grace, honesty, joy, and humor as you have. Thank you for being my friend.

So, here are some pics from our field trip to the Lemon Drop in Anderson, Indiana.

And shame on you Indiana. I've never met so many blurkers in my life!

You were all so, so sweet! I'm sure you should leave a comment sometime!

Yes, you should.

In fact, if you are from Indiana, please leave a comment today.

This is official Indiana comment day!!

And tell me you've eaten at the lemon drop!!!

Seriously, old school heaven.

They actually have a bowl of lemon drops at the counter. We only found this place because their sign made us laugh so hard that we HAD to stop and take a picture.

Best strawberry milkshake I've had in the country. End of discussion.

My friend Merita double fisting it.

Shame on us.

Onion rings and fries and milkshakes!???!

You are a bad influence on me :)

Soul Vacation

I have been on soul vacation.

Well, at least I am beginning to take a soul vacation. I am dreaming about what a soul vacation looks like. And I am trying to figure out how to pack my soul-suitcase and go lay out by the beach with a coconut drink in one hand and a good book in another.

In the midst of 55 shows. From New York to Seattle and everywhere in between. In the midst of living on a bus. With my baby. And husband. And eleven other adults. And one tiny bathroom.

Yep, during the next two months in the midst of all that I am trying to go on soul vacation, because, as Nita Andrews from Porter’s Call once told me, “You can’t be everything for everybody. Your soul needs rest. And if you don’t find a way to give yourself rest in the midst of what you do, you will end up a recluse, in a cottage, far away from society, bitter at the world. God doesn’t need you to be a martyr Jenny; a depleted, useless, martyr. Your soul needs rest.”

Burn Out

My soul is a bit burned out.

One too many girls this summer dealing with abuse, one too many preachers with hidden agendas, one too many student pastors with good intentions who end up making my faith feel cheap, one too many online comments written with anonymity and so little respect or personal responsibility, one too many plane rides, one too many books saturating my brain, one too many hugs, one too many autographs, one too many...

So I met my pastor Jackie for lunch recently to get some things off my chest.

I told her that I felt off. I’ve been so tired this summer that I’ve convinced myself I was pregnant... twice. Yikes! I stopped eating healthy and I've taken to eating ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. I avoid text messages and phone calls like the plague. And worst of all, I told her, I don’t feel anything when I worship. It just seems fake. And I find myself looking at people who are worshipping like they are foreign aliens.

Crazy. Foreign. Aliens.

I feel removed. I have found myself wondering time and time again, “Is God even real?”

Unbeliever?

“I don’t think I believe in God anymore,” I said in defeat, “And I really don’t like church people they are all giving me the heebie jeebies. And I mean, I have nothing against God. Other people can believe in God but I’m too tired too. I just want to live on an island and work at a coffee shop and play in the ocean.”

She smiled and shook her head. My friend Krista came in to the restaurant and ordered us wine.

“What’s up?”

“Jenny doesn’t believe in God anymore.”

“Oh cool. I’ve done that before,” she smiled.

Jackie looked at me with the most tender eyes “Well, my friend, if you end up a Buddhist or a recluse living by the ocean who doesn’t believe in God, I will still love you. But seriously, I am not going to have that conversation with you today. I think you and Jesus are closer than you care to be at times. But I think your soul is so burned out that you don’t even know how to go home to Him. It’s not that you don’t believe in God, it’s that you need to take a soul vacation. You need to spend some time processing the intensity of this past year with a counselor. You need to shut down for a while. You need to play. You need to not think. You need to go on soul vacation friend.”

Burn out? Soul vacation?

Hearing someone give me permission to take a soul vacation brought me to tears.

Nothing has ever sounded better. I was ready to vacate all responsibility right then and there for an immediate leave of absence.

Her words rung deep and true and I knew without a shadow of a doubt... I needed a break.

So...

That’s where I have been. Taking a break. Defining boundaries for my soul. My family. My time. My life.

I have been on soul vacation. And to be honest, I need to be on soul vacation for quite a bit longer. And once this tour is over, I am going to take time off. Maybe a month. Maybe a year. I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I have started on my soul vacation and I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is exactly where I need to be.

I haven’t read books. Haven’t engaged in anything political or controversial or even slightly related to Obama or healthcare or tea parties or crazy Koran burning pastors. I have not gone there. I have not done anything for anybody. Whew. Let me say that one more time: I have not done anything for anybody, for at least a week or so now, and oh my gosh, it’s been the best feeling ever. No reading the news. No volunteering. No blogging. I really haven’t been a good friend either. No returned text messages. No calling. No emailing. Nothing really. And the thing is...I’m ok with that for right now.

The people who love me the most are ok with it too.

What do you even do on S.V.? I’ve been playing with Annie. Watching her. Taking joy in the smallest things that she does. I’ve been looking at what actress wore what dress to the Emmy’s (I’ve literally never done that before in my life). I’ve traded in my Christian books for magazines about how to make the perfect cupcake and how to help my daughter, Annie, poop better. I’ve taken guilt-free naps and fallen in love with Ellen. Did you know she dances on every single show??? And almost always gives away presents to people? And I promise you that lady owns every cool pair of shoes ever created!

I can’t believe it.

Me, the girl who only watches TV if I am on my death bed. I’ve been watching Ellen and Access Hollywood for fun.

And I love it!!!

I love that everyone in my life has simply let me be. No quoting scripture or looks of disappointment. No one trying to fix me. But just friends being friends. Parents being good parents. Sisters being good sisters. Counselors being good counselors. Pastors being good pastors. And all of them saying.

Soul vacation.

Porter's Call...

The only way I can see a counselor during times like this is because of a really amazing ministry called Porter’s Call.

Al and Nita Andrews realized years ago that Christian artists are often sent out on the road to love on and minister to people, at a break-neck pace, with little pay, and much strain to their relationships back home. They realized artists needed a safe haven. A place to vent. To grow. To heal. To dream. And then to be sent back out again to bring God’s message of hope to people through art.

Al and Nita single-handedly created a place for your favorite artists- and I’m telling you, I don’t know many people in the business who have not been to them for therapy- to receive counseling services free of charge and in untraditional settings and times. Like 8 pm at a coffee shop. Or in their artist retreat center. Or first thing in the morning with your husband or bandmates at their office. You name it, they are there for us and they have single-handedly guided artists through the roughest spots in our marriages, ministries, and band relationships. Free of charge.

They make it possible for someone like me to get the support I need when I have found myself face to face with a desperate need for SOUL VACATION.

This week we are raising money for Porter’s Call through a huge online Ebay auction!!! It is my hope that there are some fans out there who would love to spend a day drinking coffee, eating cupcakes, mexican food, and going shopping with one girl who is officially on SOUL VACATION!

If you want to join me for an ultimate day of pampering and support an amazing ministry that keeps your favorite artists spiritually and emotionally together... please, please, please consider placing your bid first thing tomorrow morning for Dallas Diva Day with yours truly!

A true soul vacation!!!